BztHoUgHtS & kISSeS
This is my world. BZ's world
My loudspeaker.
An outlet for my emotions.
Friday, August 18, 2006
Shades of Grey
I'm afraid of seeing people. I dunno what's wrong, I dunno how to react to people anymore. I feel so jaded.
It's already 1:23 am yet I'm still at the first page of my revision. I know I'm going to die for tomorrow's exams. I've been doing nothing whole day, sleep and eat. I asked ALBT if he's going to support me if I repeat my module this year. Support as in marry me and support me financially and emotionally. He said he's afraid I'll go kuku if I stays at home in the future. I think he's afraid I'll burn the whole house down or something.
I hate Marketing modules and Marketing teachers. In fact, I dislike most of the business teachers here. It's affecting my passion to learn. Why must we memorise?
Sis's mad at me for leaving all the trash around the living room -- food wrappers and tissue papers. She asked me if I'm expecting her to clear it. I dun intend to let her clear it. In fact, I just wanted to leave them alone. It doesn't matter if the trash goes in the trash can anymore. It doesn't matter if my life goes to the dumps anymore.
I want to run away. It hurts. My heart. I hate you for your cruelty. I hate myself for being such a wimp. My dreams, once so beautiful, dashed. I can't trust. I'm at the bottom, you're at the top.
Will I be happier if I'm retarded from the start? Perhaps then I wouldn't feel that much. Or comprehend that much.
Move on? Anyone can say that. Move mov mo m... If everyone can move on, there will be no heartache in this world.
