Bz
tHoUgHtS & kISSeS
This is my world. BZ's world
My loudspeaker.
An outlet for my emotions.
I've been accepted!! OMG. I can't believe it... I've been accepted.. One of the 80 selected. Is this real or what? I thought I fared so badly during the interview!! I thought they think of me as a laughing stock! OMG. I got to brush up my English now. Talk to me in English k? Ha... "Filli Falay", here I come! Dear Mr. President, here I come!!
I'm so drained.
I wanna sleep in a hammock, on a sunny island.
I wanna touch the sands with my bare feet.
I wanna hugs from everyone.
I wanna lie down on my back.
I wanna bask in the sunlight.
I wanna laugh.
I wanna run.
I wanna feel alive.
a) Flinging her arm wildly [hit me on da nose once]
b) Hitting my tummy.. haha..
She was hysterical (she was flinging her arms so violently that I thought she gonna push me over the bridge somehow) when we were crossing the infamous red bridge to our class for our presentation. I told her we should write a story titled "The Red Bridge" featuring two poor students that has gone mad on it. (I was thinking of The Yellow Curtains) Haha..
After presentation, I had to rush of for my Service Marketing Test. Geez, I didn't had anything for the whole day cos' I was simply too busy and as a result, my stomach was growling non-stop during the test! So embarrassing!
After the test, I quickly grabbed a drumstick and hopped on a bus down the other side of the school for my programming test. I think I blew it. Ha...
Today I tried to cook.. But that's another story..
Anxiety beyond explanation.
Another episode of BZ's tuition session where she "battles wits” with THE KID...
The conversation goes something like this:
BZ making notes of THE KID's disastrous SA1 results...
THE KID: "It's rude to copy down others' mark."
BZ: "I'm your tuition teacher and it's my duty to keep track of your academic progress."
THE KID: "Nah, you're just being Kaypo (Explanation: nosey)."
(started to chant the "Kaypo" song he just made up in the background)
BZ: "Well, you don't call the shots here."
(Referring to his mom)
THE KID: "Well, I'll just tie her up."
(Giving me a grin as he started chanting again, walking around the table.)
THE KID’s mum appeared behind me and he ran back to his seat immediately.
Well, what can I say? Hmm.... ;)
(Note: for those serious people out there, THE KID was apparently joking.)
Selection Interview I knew I didn't make it.
The moment I stepped out to the lift and joined those people sitting around the table outside the interview room I knew I didn't click.
First, it was my name. Too Chinese for their liking perhaps. That's the only time I seriously wished I had my initials as my name in my IC(Identification card) instead, because BZ is definitely more cool than BaZhang* ( BaZhang is not my real name of cos, just for illustration purpose here)
Then, everyone around all seem to know each other and start talking about their elite school and about their views on Singapore (which I didn't bother to join in because they look animated... It is so obvious that one guy is trying to be the "I-know-it-all" with an (I don't know what) accent). So people, if you can't stand me talking/ranting/bitching about things all the time, you should go reflect because they are people out there that is worse than me. So, I sat there, look at them amusingly (there's one eye candy in working suit but I didn't attempt to start a conversation with him) while they talk among themselves.
P.S I like guys in long sleeve and pants and cute spectacles (preferably silver or black metal frame) :P
The interview was a nightmare for me. Or rather, it IS a nightmare for me, because it is still haunting me. I answered the questions like an idiot:
"Why do you like your current volunteering work?"
"I err.. It err.. give.. gave me the opportunity to interact with children... and erm.. talk to them.. read storybooks to them.. erm.. let me interact with the children in a personal level"
"Do you think there is any different between your polytechnic friends and JC(or he said Uni, I forgot) friends?
"Nope... er.... erm.. I don't think there's much difference."
"Do you have friends in the University?"
"Ya."
"Do you meet up with them often?"
"Not really."
"Do you think they treat you differently?"
"You mean prejudice?"
"Ya"
"Nope.. No I don't think so.."
"Do you think they treat you this way because they are your friend? Do you think the society treats the Polytechnic and University graduate differently?"
... I forgot what I said but I knew I'm talking incoherently...
(Explanation: I went to a JC and flunked my A Levels, thus unable to secure a place in the local University. I went to polytechnic instead. But I am not the "I-hate-the-society" bitch here. Neither did I mention that in my essay. Does that mean that when one can't get into University means I'll turn sore and snap at every University friend I have or that adopted a "I-hate-the-world" mentality? I wish I can tell them this straight at their face but apparently my ego shrink to the size of an ant then and my brain froze.)
"You mentioned in your essay that education is not to be viewed as a passport for future job prospect.. so on what criteria you think the employers should judge you on when you are in an interview?"
"Personality."
"So how do I judge your personality within 5 minutes?"
(How I wish I could express myself as good as I could in writing. I simply blabbered rubbish as an answer. Anyway, I should have point out to him that he got it wrong. I didn't mean I education is not criteria to be judge upon for a job interview. WHAT I meant that education should not be viewed so shallowly in my article. ARgh...! )
"Why do you think we should choose you?"
"Er.... It give me a chance to blah blah blah...(I didn't know what I'm talking at this point because 1) My tongue is tied up 2)My brain is dead 3) I'm appalled 4) I really dunno why they would want to choose me, because I feel that it is obvious that I messed up big time 5) I don't want to join this organisation after all this humiliation.
To add to my humiliation, some smart Alex said "Please help me send my regards to Christopher*." I caught a smirk on an interviewer’s face at the corner of my left eye when I was attempting to "flee" from the interview room. Dumbly, I nodded though I made no sense of it then. It hit me just after I closed that darn door. He was making a joke out of my email address!! $%#@$%$ I had this email address when I was a growing teen and I named my email address after my then idol, Christopher*. Then, unexceptionally feeling girlish at that point, I added "_galXX" to it.. Christopher_galXX@yahoo.com.. I could practically hear them laughing loudly in the interview room after I left. Or did I?
This will be the second and the LAST time I go apply for something like this.
P.S. *Name has been changed to protect myself. XX referring to the year I was born in.
Bridget Jones's Diary
Spent the whole day lazing around the house reading Bridget Jones's Diary. It is so scary that we have such similar insecurities. We worry about our weight (I'm at least 20 pounds heavier than her), about our attractiveness, about our appearance, about our age, about men (or rather jerks), about girlfriends, about buddies, about not getting married, about relatives who talk non-stop about our love life, obesity... And I'm just in my Twenties!! Oh my god!! I'm thinking like a 30+ years old fictional character!
I must say I'm kinda happy when my sister commented that I don't look like I'm 21 this afternoon, when we saw someone who looks like my primary schoolmate. Correction needed though, I'm TWENTY going twenty-one.. Hee... She said I looked 18.. woo hoo~
Was she referring to my appearance or was it my behaviour? Hmmm...
