BztHoUgHtS & kISSeS
This is my world. BZ's world
My loudspeaker.
An outlet for my emotions.
Friday, November 18, 2005
Had a talk with someone I trust. Broke down. While eating fruits.
But it made me realise something. They don't know that I speak animatedly or agitatedly when I'm frustrated or is very passionate about something. Fine. I thought they are my close friend therefore I showed my true feelings to them. I'm so foolish again.
They thought I enjoyed tormenting myself by editing their work They thought I loved the limelight. Pui. If they aren't so passive, I wouldn't need to be so active in work.
And I NEVER bitch to others that I'm tired of doing most of the planning/thinking/decision-making/editing until this incident happen. Were they making use of me all this time? Were they? Again I question the meaning of friendship.
If they say that they are throwing all the responsibilities to me because they thought I loved to take all the burden, they ought to be shot. What were they doing when I'm slacking around? Pushing me to start discussion/allocate work/say some crap... So I'm domineering? Ok. Now I know I'm not only domineering, I'm STUPID.
And they apparently are superficial friends, she said. And that I shouldn't be affected by them. How not to? I'm questioning all my principles, beliefs and thinking in life all over again. Is it me? Is it me? Is it me? Is it me? Is it me? Is it me? IS IT ME?!?!?!?!?
Collective power is scary. I feel as if I'm right under Godzilla's feet. Helpless.
