Monday, August 29, 2005

I almost lost my sanity when I woke up an hour ago to find that no programmes could be ran on my pc (ms)... I dunno what happened to it again, as im not the only user.. I called ALBT. The first time it rang, but no one picked up. The second time it was off. Luckily I've got linux too, if not i'll go mad..

I so fucking depressed.

All kinds of relationship makes me lose my sanity. I was wondering if I should be isolated.

1:15 AM

Thursday, August 18, 2005

I failed in everything. I'm failed to be a good daughter, good sister, good gf, good friend.
Shoot me. I feel like dying. Just let me vanish from this world.
How I wish I can do so.

People are just so evil.

7:50 AM

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Designing a questionnaire in class:
Q) What is your age?
[] 10-20
[] 21-30
(the classification continues..)

Teacher: "What?! So unclear! 10-20 of what?! In light years?!?"

BZ (mumbling to group members) :"In human years lah!"
[Big roll eyes action]

Teacher: "Must specify! Must write 10-20 YEARS OLD!"
__________________________________________________________________
Moral of story:
Teachers had cease to use common sense. Did she thought that dogs or cats (or even aliens as hinted by her) are going to be our respondents?!? Education teaches mere regurgitation. Pui! And most importantly, I think I'll flunk this module as I just can't ignore common sense.

Sometimes I think education are for dumb people. It teaches people how to be stupid.

6:48 PM

Hoovering spies,
Sinister eyes.

Sneaking upon,
Keeping an eye on.

I failed to comprehend,
Is this becoming a trend?!?

Copycats and dogs,
Wearing human togs.

Faces painted,
Hearts tainted.

The drive for power,
Had every morals devoured.

6:37 PM

Monday, August 15, 2005

Mr. ALBT gave me a laptop yesterday night because my home PC is throwing tantrums lately and I've got a report to rush. Yipee! I finally got a laptop of my own. It's kinda retro actually, with no whateva drive inside. LOL. But as everyone knows, I like retro thingy and this is so cool man! I took sometime looking for the button to turn it on and it's actually on the side! And it's not those push type! I must slide it to boot the laptop. And it the brightness control in on the monitor and I can slide it to control the brightness. And it can go real dim, unlike my home PC. \(^.^)/~ It's so cute and light that I decided name it on my way to school! It called Cino (Computer + Dino)! LoL. Mr. ALBT must be thinking that I've gone Kuku again~

I'm dreaming of dancing with Cino in my red retro specs, big black pearls earring, with a ultra retro headband! (Yes, I'm mad :p Lalala)

11:44 AM

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Just got the pictures. :) Here are my conclusions on the pictures:
1) I look disturbingly humongous
2) I'm grinning like an idiot in the choir performance. (Yes, I'm the only one grinning from head to toe, as if I've struck lottery, through out the WHOLE performance.
3) My normal talking voice is much lower then what I hear
4) My shades make me look like Shen Dian Xia
5) I really behave and talk like an auntie (as observed from the videos)

6) And most importantly, I love the photographer! hee hee! Nostalgic times. The photographs captured memories :D!

1:45 AM

Monday, August 08, 2005

Nope, I didn't pay a single cent for it. My friend got one trial session (how come she got it I didn't know) from a slimming saloon and she didn't want to go. So she passed the chance to me.

Well, of course the people there tried to persuade me to sign up for the package but I really dun have the money of course. Ha. Lucky I didn't. The whole process is such a torture. I think it's my retribution for misbehaving this year. Muahahah.

Firstly, I got a feel of how a 'bao' may feel when it's being steamed. I almost suffocated once I stepped into the steam room. The cubicle is so crammy and I had nothing else to do except feeling naked underneath the small towel. There I sat like a stone. Suddenly, whiffs of white smoke enveloped me (The room started to release 'steam') and I suddenly realise that there's a naked figure infront of me! (Gasp! Just like those sleazy scenes on the teevee!) Opps, i forgot to tell you that the sides of the cubicle is translucent, which I can vaguely see the person beside me and the door is made of glass. Then did I realise that that people can shower infront of me, only covering their modesty by drawing the white translucent plastic curtain around them. I was thinking that it would be a man's dream to be in this place. Ha.

Then suddenly, the lady who's 'incharge' of me asked me to step out of the steam room and into the bath area. Blimey!! She asked me to take off my towel and she started to rub something on my tummy, arms and thighs. (It smells like peanut powder with oil, I swear.) Then I realise that that she aren't really covering the curtain up. The girl that is beside my cubicle then able to view a naked humongous blob infront of her. Oh my gawd...

Then I'm supposed to be steamed for 20 more minutes. (Guessed I'm not fully-cooked yet) With my newly 'marinated' skin (With the peanut oil, remember?) I sat like a rock there again. The emptiness is irritating me. I'm feel as if being locked up because I'm mad. If there's a lock on the cubicle door, I'll break down and knock everything down. It's testing my sanity every minute. The steam is suffocating me. I can feel my own heart beat. I was wondering if they had made everything there so transparent so as to spot if anyone had fainted there.

I was rubbing my body with the 'peanut oil' that she applied on me earlier when I noticed the feet of a lady on my left. (The bottom of the side walls aren't covered with the frosted glass) It's with noticable veins and I started to be conscious of my own feet too. I stared at my feet. Yucks. It's full of 'black' scars. I think the scars are from bursting the blisters and the fungus. (Sometimes I can't even distinguish them from each other anymore.Ha.) Then the feet on my left started to swing to and fro. I almost joined in the swinging but I controlled myself. Then the lady on my right started to swing her legs too. Oh my gawd. So I just sat there again, now sitting between two swinging feet. It's driving me to the insanity. I wondered if 'swinging feet', or rather, madness is contagious. The chinese pop song about the girl loving someone like the way a rat loves a rice (I always thought rat loved cheese... Jeez..) kept donning on and on in a distant. I wondered if I'm in hell.

I was imagining myself as a damsel in distress waiting for my prince charming to save me when the lady came and ask me to go and bathe. (alright alright, I'll give her a name here. Jasmine.) Luckily she asked me to go the other side to bath instead of those infront of the steamroom. I don't want to expose myself anymore. I caught her saying that she ask me go another side to bath because the area outside the steam room reeks of urine smell. Does that mean that I'm might be soaking my feet in the urine? Oh my!

(to be cont'd)

1:10 AM

Sunday, August 07, 2005

I think I need more space. To get a grip of myself. Living in excess this year. Or rather, in an extreme manner. I realise I need to regain my sanity after realising I almost punched ALBT in the face yesterday night.

I took too much things personally. That's why things that may seem trivial to many will affect me emotionally. There's so much resentment towards so many imperfections in this world. I myself is imperfect of course. But I just can't shake it off then. I MUST behave myself. Haha, not to indulge in my own misbehaviour ritey?

Sometimes looking back, everyone has their own thinkings and own stands then. Everyone is bought up differently.. Hmm.. I should be more tolerance of others? I think I should adopt what Aijiri has said :" Laugh at the world."

But there is something I still cant comprehend. I think I'm dumb. Should I continue to hold back my tongue like the past and to be accused of being a hypocrite when I lashed back at everything? Or should I continue to lash at every chance I had so to get my point across?

Nah, I'll just try to be dumber. Hee hee.. I dun remember anything...

Sometimes we held something so dear that we expect too much from it.

11:25 PM

Saturday, August 06, 2005

You were born on a Sunday
under the astrological sign Sagittarius.
Your Life path number is 9.

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2446400.5.
The golden number for 1985 is 10.
The epact number for 1985 is 8.
The year 1985 was not a leap year.

As of 8/5/2005 12:32:10 PM CDT
You are 19 years old.
You are 236 months old.
You are 1,026 weeks old.
You are 7,187 days old.
You are 172,500 hours old.
You are 10,350,032 minutes old.
You are 621,001,930 seconds old.

There are 118 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 20 candles on it.

Those 20 candles produce 20 BTU's,
or 5,040 calories of heat (that's only 5.0400 food Calories!) .
You can boil 2.29 US ounces of water with that many candles.

Your birthstone is Blue Zircon
The Mystical properties of Blue Zircon
Zircon helps one be more at peace with oneself.
Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewlers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)
Blue Topaz, Ruby, Lapis Lazuli

Your birth tree is
Ash Tree, the Ambition

Uncommonly attractive, vivacious, impulsive, demanding, does not care for criticism, ambitious, intelligent, talented, likes to play with its fate, can be egoistic, very reliable and trustworthy, faithful and prudent lover, sometimes brains rule over heart, but takes partnership very serious.

There are 142 days till Christmas 2005!

The moon's phase on the day you were
born was waning gibbous.

12:03 PM

I have no strength to carry on this friendship anymore. No more. We are difting aparts, both in vastly different environment now. We were never the same, different lines crossing each other at a coordinates then. I sensed your tiredness. You can't stand my temper anymore right. Yup, my temper is indeed seemingly getting worse. That's because I dun attempt to please everyone anymore. Dun have to hide my displeasure and make myself suffer anymore.

Did our friendship thrived on then because I'm your 'sidekick' then?

I dunno why but I can't stand no longer. Think it is everything accumulated so far. So far too many things had happened. Everytime it puts a strain to our friendship. After a while we tried to ignore the strain again. Sounds like a vicious cycle to me.

For you it is easy. You are carefree. Or rather you wasn't bothered by it as much. I am. I can't stand any tiny tinge of bullshit anymore. Yes I'm jaded by reality.

From now on I shouldn't attempt to try to communicate anymore. There's difference between the door and the door mat. I should stop trying to communicate to you in this online world.

You dun have to know.
You didn't know.
You always do not know.

I'm always bad tempered.
I'm always mad.
You should pay no attention to me from NOW ON.

I want to be free.

NO ONE, I repeat, NO ONE is my princess or prince.

Lu Ye Bu Xiang Zai Pei Mu Dan Le.

1:10 AM