Sunday, June 26, 2005

Got chased...
around the library this evening!

No no, we aren't playing catching there.
No no, we aren't shouting to each other there.

We were abiding teenagers,
Siting at the tables and chairs. (At the pre-schooler corner)

Suddenly a big shadow overshadowed us.
We were startled but we didnt make a big fuss.

"You got to move," she exclaimed
In a tone, as though we were dogs to be tamed.

"But we are researching on kid's materials", we said.
"No no, you got to move. Others will complain, I'm 'fraid."

Just because we aren't children, we aren't allowed to sit there.
Just because we aren't parents, we aren't supposed to be there.

So we moved our butt to the other side of the library, (still at the kids level but at the "adult" tables and chairs)
To avoid further misery...

So I thought to myself,
Maybe we were too big ourselves...
Just like Giants among a world of little elves.

But the lady wasn't really kind.
She came over again and gave us a piece of her mind.

"No, you shouldn't sit on the floor,
For I've got a table as I just showed two children the door!"

We saw two kids, their mum and ah ma packing,
Evidently they have been asked to move, thus leaving...

So in the library there's actually Adults' Chairs and Children's Chairs,
Just like the story about Papa Bear, Mama Bear, Baby Bear and Goldilocks with the golden hair!

Don't ever complain about my rhyming, I'll BBQ you.

I'm really comtemplating to write to the Straits Times Forum about this matter.

The fact that I'm a teenager doesn't mean I can't have a mind on my own.
Being a young adult doesn't mean I have lesser human rights.
Salespersons looked down on me even though I have purchasing power.
Never ever studied in an elite school doesn't mean I can't spell or write.
Being an average student DOESN'T mean I'm doomed to fail.

It's NOT The End. It's The Extraordinary.

4:42 AM

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Pretentious lot.
Loud and irritating to the core.
The group that always gets the guys.
SELF-CENTRED.
Can't reflect.

There is nothing as a best friend in the world. It's just two words that aim to classify the people around us. I had enough of these caste systems.

If the whole world is a carrot cake, you'll want to take the cake and give me the carrot slices. Do you thrive upon my inferiority?

The cheese that turned bad.

9:30 PM

Sunday, June 19, 2005

I get very irritated when people changes their appointments with me.

Mon: ends at 6, followed by a choir practise
Tues: ends at 5
Thurs: ends at 8
Fri: ends at 5, followed by a choir practise

Wed: ends earlier but usually for discussions or meetings after that
Sun: volunteering services in the morning.

I have to find time for people who made appointments with me.So when they break their promises, I have to delay everything and reorganise my time all over again just for them. This is especially frustrating for me when some just like to change their decisions at the very last second for stupid reasons like "I'm just too tired.", "I just don't feel like going." ,"You didn't confirm with me yesterday so I went out with someone else."...

Do not wonder why I'm mad again.
Use your brains.

2:05 PM

I am so guilty. Calories are piling up my body.

Yesterday:
I went to Chomp Chomp with YC, my ex-tutor. This is what both of us ate for DINNER only.
-a barbecued stringray
-two bowl of rice
-a plate of fried hokkien mee
-a plate of zui kway
-a plate of fried oyster omelete
-2 extra large sugar cane juice

Today:
Breakfast-> wanton mee dry
Lunch -fried spaghetti with olive oil, minced meat, mushroom and chili
-buttered fried salmon
-cream cheese sauce
Dinner -beer gelato
-cheese fondue
-chicken
-pasta again (tomato with prawns)
-extra fattening chocolate chip mousse cake
-a bite of the blackforrest cake
-apple crumble tart

Oh my god. I know. No wonder I'm obese.. Bleah.. :X

1:07 AM

Today me and my friend E were going to town to eat cheese fondue. While waiting for the bus at Holland V, an old lady appeared and held her index finger on her mouth as if to silence us. Her expression is creepy, like those you get in the horror shows. Then she points behind us, making a terrified face at the same time. Then she opened her two hands, opening and closed it, as if making a sign about talking or something. Then she held her index finger as if to silence us. Then she keeps repeating her gestures as she continued walking pass us. Imagine the shock we get when we were talking and suddenly such person appeared. I was transfixed by her bizarr actions. Cold and chilling feeling starts to surface. Then as if wanting to break the spell, I moved away towards the rubbish bin to throw away the remains of the beer gelato I was eating. When I turned back, I could see clearly that the lady was making the gestures to us only, not to the rest at the bus stop. The rest were puzzled and shocked by her gestures too. Then, when she passed by the bus stop, she continued walking down the road like a normal person. This is so shocking and bizzare.

1:05 AM

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

"To have life in the face...
to feel..
to love..
then put away.."

Death, is it an end or a conclusion?

11:17 PM

Monday, June 13, 2005

忘了吧~

我不想再想了.让我忘了一切了吧!~ 爱情是个不切实际的童话. 大家只要被爱, 但都自私地把爱收住. 我不了解这已经变形的世界了. 想找个自己的天空,过自己的生活.

8:46 PM

Through the sms...
Unknown: "Good morning, my friend gave me your number."
BZ: "who is your friend?"
U: " Cant tell. Are you **?"
BZ: "ya."
... Then BZ ignored the unknown's subsequent msgs which goes like...
"my friend say he misses you"
Then..
U: " why no reply?"
U: " Hello you want me to spread your number to other guyS?"
U: " Hey why no reply? scared? i think i will be passing your number around my sch and IRC"
U: " Still scared ah? i also know where you stay, need me to post that too to everyone on the net?"
BZ got real pissed and msged BF to tell him of this prankster.
BF said something like "what u want? Call police?!?"
Then the U called for like upteen times. Well BZ didnt pick up. Who in the right mind will pick the psycho's phone up?
Then my BF called me right after that but BZ didnt answer it.
Then BZ called BF back. He then asked BZ if shefound the unknown number familiar. Then he laughed and told BZ it's the pre-paid card number that he got for her last time that she didnt use . What kind of BF pulls that kind of cruel joke?!?! No wonder BZ found that number so familiar! When BZ reprimanded BF that his joke got too far away and that BZ was actually contemplating whether to report to police, he said he couldn't be traced as he used a pre-paid card. Ha, and it's even under BZ name if it is traceable. :X

6:00 PM

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Is there a tradeoff between freedom and companionship in a relationship? Feeling ever so down. I'm like a hurdle to his freedom, his happiness.. His freedom to do what ever he desires. I should get a life soon...

What's this feeling
that I'm feeling
when I'm feeling
maybe I'm lonely
-excerpt of "Maybe I'm Lonely"

3:30 PM

Monday, June 06, 2005

June 6,2005
2:21am
ALBT, Boyfriend of BZ,
CEO of GamersBeyondHope Pte Ltd <--(fabricated)
12, Counterstrike Road
Guilty Gear Land

Dear Mr ALBT,
It is with geniune exasperation and regret that I have to write this complaint letter. Your action, or rather your INACTION has left me fuming for more than an hour. Sometimes even when one is in a busy mode, one does not have to decline an incoming file transfer request, especially when it is specially typed by one's girlfriend, that had spent almost an hour just by personalising the resignation letter to one's need. Although one did not ask the GF to do so, it is with pure care and love that she typed it out for his use. GF has school on Monday and she do not have all the time in the world; even if one is free on Monday evening does not mean GF is. The faster she receives feedback, the faster she can get the work done. Perhaps she can get more appreciation then receiving notices of file rejections online and ignored messages and calls? A simple click to accept the file will do and she will mind her own business then, knowing what a "Busy" mode in Msn means or even what THE word busy means. Now she's left disoriented and extremely edgy. And in the event of being called as a childish twenty-year-old that gets angry over trivial matter, this shall be the very record what BZ actually felt.

Thanks for giving me opportunities to learn. I will greatly miss my associates in your company.

Sincerely,
BZ

P.S. Use the resignation letter that I painstakingly typed out for you (attached to this mail) or I'll BBQ you.
P.S I aren't 20 yet, I'm NINETEEN going twenty
P.S. I admit that at this rate I need to attend Anger Management courses (It would help better if you called the GameAddiction hotline or sign up for "how to handle angry GF" at the same time)
P.S. Most importantly, I STILL LOVE YOU :)

2:43 AM

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Complicated. As usual. Be it any type of relationships.

Man has too much emotions that even complicates the most simple matter.

Too subjective, too emotional, too judgemental, too idealistic, too protective, too selfish, blah blah blah...

Why are there always misunderstandings in any relationships? Because we judge things by our own beliefs and thinkings?

TOO WEARY to play this game of misunderstood and misunderstand... Let's forget..

Love all

3:00 AM

BZ did not say she was right all the time. BZ just need some control over her temper at times. So do not tell her she that is wrong when she is fuming. She knows that she is wrong most of the time, so do not say what she do not want to hear or already know then. Tell her that she is wrong when she cool down. Make her laugh and she'll be fine. At rare occasions she don't even understand why she gets so worked up over trival matters too.

Anger is like
A full hot horse, who being allowed his way,
Self-mettle tires him. --Shak.

2:25 AM

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Well, I feel dumb. I can't even express the thoughts from my mind to words in my mouth in the writing class. I look like an idiot just nodding with agreement what the teacher discussed with the rest. I'll surely fail my class participation grades in the class at this rate. There's so many classmates that has either vast knowlege on literature, poetry, current affairs or bascially good with the English language. For me, I came from a Chinese-speaking background. I always feel the strain whenever attending any English classes. And I'm very ashamed to say that after more than a decade of studying in schools, I still have yet mastered the proper usuage of grammar. Many are either guesswork or trial and error on my part. And my spoken English is much worse than my written English. I'll stammer or just stutter the most stupiest thing. I'm getting diffident.

4:25 AM

The older I get, the stronger the feeling that nothing or no one is an "absolute" in this world. Everyone has different side of personalities, and even the most horrible person that we detest may treat us nicely occasionally (which never fails to shock us, of course). One can have so many facets of characters embodied within oneself. We treat different people differently. We may be indifferent to those we deemed to be "out of our league" or extremely friendly to those we like. That's why when someone behaves horribly to me, I'm wondering if it's my actions or attitude that brought out the worse side of that particular person. Did I have a part to play in for their bad behaviour? Am I so destestable by their standards that I invoked their less desirable traits?

3:50 AM